At Last, I’ve Met the Love of My Life: The Zero S Electric Motorcycle

I drove out to meet with a guy about 6 miles from me today, who is selling his 2015 Zero S electric motorcycle for just $7,000. If that sounds like a fortune it is, but realize this bike normally goes for nearly twice that amount.

Is it not beautiful? Of course it is. Feast your eyes upon the contours of the body panels. Try to ignore my underdeveloped chicken legs. Such are the ravages of lifelong devotion to electric two wheelers. I’ve got a gym membership now, and the irony of riding an ebike to the gym in order to sit on a stationary bike and pedal isn’t lost on me. Modern life is stupid.

This bike though. Holy shit, right? All my dicks are cumming at once, like some sort of eight-dicked cocktopus. I would do terrible things for this bike. I would run a bus full of nuns off the road for this bike! Or for no reason at all.

It’s so beautiful I want to cry, but I swore nothing else would make me cry after Harambe left this world. Now, I have 21,000 SBD. So I for sure have enough to buy this. The problem is, I can only get it out at the rate of ~$100/week. That would take 1.36 years. This guy is not patient enough for that.

I’m also not keen on letting my SBD drop below 20,000 but I have never wanted anything as badly as I want this bike, holy shit. I just need to find somebody who will front me the $7,000 who is content to receive it back at the rate of $100/week, at zero interest.

I’ve also still got my old electric scooter that I plan to sell off. The problem is it has a bad battery, which of course dramatically reduces the value. I could slap some lead acid batteries in there just to get it running, but I know from selling ebikes that used lead acid batteries back in Florida that even if you explain their short lifespan to a buyer upfront, they’re still hopping mad and accusing you of selling them a lemon when they need a new set in 6 months. That drawback just doesn’t become real in their mind until it happens.

Anyway, I checked the brakes. They look good. Hydraulics look good, tires look good. It’s only two years old and has ~4,000 miles on it. It’s such a tease to be so close to having something you want this badly, only for one factor to place it just barely out of reach.

I haven’t given up. You can see me on this bike, can’t you? I can see me on this bike. It was made for me. I just need $7,000 some time within the next few months. Although realistically I don’t have that long, somebody’s sure to snap it up before I do.

I’m definitely dead set on this specific model however. One way or the other, I’ll get me one of these bad boys. Even if I have to sell my body to lonely supermodels again. Those models, they’re so lonely! But they gotta pay.

Maybe that’s the moral? Nothing good comes cheap. I’ll be hustling a little bit harder than usual, and looking to fix up and sell off that scooter in a hurry. I belong on that bike god damnit, I’m gonna make this happen. STEEM Cycle 2.0! You read it here first!

EDIT: Turns out that since the hard fork, I can withdraw my SBD much faster. I may have this bike within the month. :0

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