[Dream Report] Over-Zealous Security Guards at a Dinosaur Themed Indoor Water Park

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Sound oddly specific? I’m right there with you. It felt totally logical in the dream though, and aside from “the incident” it was a really fun time and generally rad concept for a theme park. It combined water slides, wave pools and so on with water based amusement park rides, Splash Mountain style, or the Jurassic Park ride at Universal with the 5 person bumper boats.

Maybe that association is why my sleeping brain decorated the park with huge fiberglass dinosaur statues. A T-rex, a brontosaur and some pterasaurs suspended from the steel rafters by wire. There were also real ferns and palm trees, supported by the high indoor temperature and humidity.

I was like 15 or 16, attending the park with two friends. I don’t know who, I never saw their faces clearly. They were just with me in line for the log ride. Being teenage boys we were cracking off-color jokes. I said something about how dinosaurs know what they did, and the comet was divine punishment because the T-Rex kept trying to touch its own penis even after God shortened its arms. “If they came back, we’d just nuke them into extinction again.”

Hur hur hur. Typical stuff for that age, but apparently other people in line overheard us and were offended because pretty soon a pair of security guards came to pull us out of line for questioning. There was one tall, broad shouldered one with a beard, and the other was short and fat but with big biceps, a bald head and bushy mustache.

“We understand you made some statements concerning explosives.” It took me a minute to figure out he meant the joke about nuking dinosaurs. I repeated what I’d said in hopes he’d realize it was obviously not any kind of threat.

“Son what you have to understand is that stuff like that is taken very seriously these days. You can’t even joke about it. We have a zero tolerance policy for terroristic threats at this facility and a very broad definition of what qualifies. We could perform cavity searches on you if we wanted”

They looked relaxed and about to let us go. I dunno why, I guess because I was irritated they pulled us out of line, but I couldn’t hold my tongue. “Are you a real cop? What sort of authority do you actually have? Your badges just have the name of this water park on them. You just threatened to sexually assault a couple of boys in swim trunks. How would that look to the media?”

The two security guards glanced at each other and sighed. The bearded one pulled on rubber gloves. So, we ran. They shouted after us that we were only making things worse. I found a door to outside and went through it, but could see through the big windows that the short, fat guard saw me do it. He went out through a door near him and began to head around to this side of the building.

So I ducked back inside to fake him out, hoping he’d waste time searching outdoors. My buddies were now nowhere to be seen, having scattered and run off, every man for himself. I spotted the other guard on the other side of the facility scanning the crowd.

He spotted me and began to head around all the attractions the long way to reach me. He, too, would probably expect me to try and escape right away I reasoned. So I got on the boat ride and ducked down low. On the slow, winding “river” part of the ride I passed right by him and he didn’t see me.

The ride let out near the locker rooms. So I went inside and took somebody else’s clothes, putting my own in their cubby so they would at least have something to change into. I found sunglasses and a hat in another cubby. I knew they’d be looking either for someone in swim trunks or the clothes I came in, and they would expect me to be running, probably sneaking out the back.

So I strolled calmly out the front and into the parking lot. The short, fat guard was indeed still searching outside and saw me among the cars. I noticed him too as he began running towards me, so I hurried to my car, got in and peeled the fuck out of there.

Later at home I saw a news report about “three young men wanted for making terrorist threats at a local water park” with security cam footage of me in the hat and glasses. There was a description of my car (which I was somehow able to drive despite my young age in the dream) but not a license plate number.

That was it. I just never went back there and the dream ended. What does it symbolize? Frustration with busybodies on power trips I guess, although I was never very rebellious growing up. I generally just stew for a while, then get over it and move on with my life because the cost/benefit analysis of picking a fight with such people does not work out favorably.

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