[Dream Report] Synthetic Puppies and Pizza Vending Machines

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I watched the new Blade Runner recently, and will go ahead and blame this dream on that. I found myself in a futuristic city. Hungry, I sought out the nearest restaurant. Once seated, I couldn’t understand the menu so I asked for the special of the day.

I was given a large plate with three small puppies on it, still alive and wagging their tales. I demanded to know how they could serve live animals and not get arrested for animal cruelty. The waiter patiently explained that the puppies were synthetic. When I looked closer, I could suddenly tell they weren’t real.

They were made out of artificial living tissue and were furry, warm, soft and everything but their faces were slightly wrong. It was extremely offputting. There was some kind of floor show going on to entertain diners. A synthetic man in a magician’s suit was standing up against a wooden target.

His beautiful assistant dressed in a tuxedo print unitard with sequins on it was throwing flaming daggers at him. Usually in an act like this, the point of it is that the daggers miss. But both of them were synthetic so the daggers plunged right into the man’s torso. He smiled, not the slightest bit worse for wear.

Everybody applauded, but the display sickened me. I paid for my “meal” but smuggled the synthetic puppies out in my jacket. I didn’t know what to do with them in a world full of people who regarded them as either food or a disposable novelty so they just kinda lived in my jacket pockets from that point on.

I noticed an elevator down to a subway station. As I pressed the button a homeless man approached. He said he noticed the food in my pockets and demanded to have some. Horrified, I apologized but told him on no uncertain terms could he eat one of the puppies.

He became irate and began to harass me. I ran around the block, he gave chase. When I arrived back at the elevator, the doors were open so I ducked inside and pushed the button. I saw him approaching, out of breath as the elevator doors closed. I’d only narrowly escaped.

At the bottom of the elevator I found the subway station unexpectedly clean. Everything was immaculate white plastic paneling, made of interlocking shapes. There was a synthetic person there taking tickets. I didn’t have one but I also didn’t want to go back up to the hobo.

Then the elevator I’d gotten out of returned to the surface. I heard a ding, and saw it was coming back down. I knew it was the homeless man. At the other end of the subway platform I found a second elevator and took it to the surface. This began a sort of wild goose chase where the homeless man and I circulated through the elevators from the surface down to the subway station and back, over and over.

Finally, I offered to buy him something else to eat so he’d stop chasing me. He led me to a vending machine that made fresh pizza. He said it was his favorite. I happened to have some change, put it into the machine and a few minutes later a small but piping hot pizza came out of a waist height opening.

That was the end of the chase, and of the dream. I saved the synthetic puppies, but god knows what the pizza was made out of. I have no idea why I’d dream up this bizarre shit, but then I never do.

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