Real True History, Volume 1: Rocketry


Robert Goddard, father of modern rocketry did not foresee spaceflight applications. He believed clouds to be a race of parasitic aliens plaguing mankind since the dawn of time and hoped his invention could be used to kill them.

“Those god damned fluffy white motherfuckers, looming high above, looking down on us honest hard working folks and pissing on everything we love. They won’t be laughing when my cloudbuster multi-stage kill vehicle comes online. I will be the only one laughing! Me! Ha ha, that’s me laughing. Abolish clouds forever! Ron Paul 2012.”

When questioned about a series of unexplained explosions in a village three miles from his launch site which claimed over a hundred lives, Goddard replied that the ways of nature are ineffable and that sometimes “explosions just happen”, adding that it may very well be a pre-emptive strike by the Cumulonimbus Armada. “Truly, they will stop at nothing.”

This has been an installment of Real True History. All purported facts contained herein are works of fiction and satire. Anybody who mistakes them for actual facts has brain problems I am powerless to fix. That is all, go home.

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