Oh no, sweetie. That’s no good. You’ve already had your numnums for today. I know you want more. So do I! It’s very tasty, after all.
But, each spoonful is just more calories. That’s what makes it so darn good. And you know what that means, right? Yes you do. It means extra inches on your fat little tummy. We can’t have that!
You haven’t discovered boys yet. I envy you! It’s a wonderful world you’re entering into. When you get there, do you want to make your debut an elegant, slender mademoiselle? Or as an ungainly dumptruck of human excess? Haha, excuse me. That may have been a bit much, but you see my side of things now.
No, no, shhh. Don’t cry. Give me that knife, too. You can’t get rid of it that easily or EVERYBODY would do it. Still got the scars from when I tried. You’re fine just the way you are and mummy loves you! Just so long as you stay trim. Looks like you’re almost there.
See that on your precious little arm? That’s baby fat. It’s well and good for now, my little munchkin. But it won’t be a valid excuse forever. Never too early to begin planning for a lifetime of sound nutritional choices! Can’t just coast through life EATING WHATEVER WE WANT however nice that would be.
When you’re a little older I’ll teach you how to count carbs. That’s a good way to teach counting! Then we can get into whether gluten means anything, Some say there’s good fat and bad fat, but you know what your mummy says don’t you? Fat is fat. Where does fat go? That’s right darling, it goes on the fire. Now go run a few more laps for me, while there’s still time.
That was good but you went a bit easy in the last few. Don’t give me that whiny bullshit! You think I’m not tired? You think raising you doesn’t tire me out? Start your sit-ups, I’ll time you. It’s only a chore until you get into it. You’ll thank me for all of this soon enough.
Wait, what’s this? No, don’t you fucking hide it from me. Open your hand I SAID OPEN IT. Oh, no. Why do you do this to me? Do you think I don’t love you? I do this because I love you so much! Did you think I wouldn’t find out? We go through this EVERY TIME! No, don’t…spit it out. This is pointless. I thought we were past this.
Do you see that? No, really look at it. I know you’re afraid. So am I. But it doesn’t disappear just because we’re not looking, or try not to think about it. That’s the edge. My mother taught me about it, now I’m teaching you.
There were lots of us back then. But we got hungry. Hunger really brings out the worst in a person. I won’t trouble you with how we solved it, but sufficed to say there was soon food enough for everybody. Until there wasn’t. Our numbers continued to dwindle.
All the while, the wall kept moving. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, towards the edge. With nowhere else to stand, we soon realized we’d all be pushed over if nothing was done. I was so very frightened! All of us were.
So, we walked. For what seemed like days. Until we found the hole. Yes sweetiebunch, like the one I showed you. Search as we might, we could find no other openings in the wall. And every day it slid closer and closer to the edge. Grinding, almost inaudibly, troubling my dreams.
The only way to avoid being swept off the edge was through that hole. But it was so narrow! Only someone very slender could make it through. Even after days of fasting, do you know what happened? Oh, you remember this story. Smart girl! Smart, fat girl! Mommy was the only one who fit through the hole.
Salvation, it seemed. Even as I listened to the others crying, bickering and tearing at one another until the night they were all finally pushed off the edge. I was alone for a time, until the new batch of people appeared. That’s how I met your father. He was the one who discovered the next wall, at that time many miles from the edge. The one we’re leaning against now.
Nothing makes it if it can’t fit. Nothing. No matter how much you love and cherish it. If it won’t fit through that hole, it’s gone. Do you understand now? You’re so sweet. You look just like him. He would wipe the tears from my eyes in the same way. I should be the one who does that for you.
I wish I could always be there to pick you up when you fall. To kiss your boo boos so they heal faster, and tell you stories at bedtime. Believe me when I say in a perfect world, I would be. But we don’t live in that world. Mommy’s too big now.
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