Unfortunate Choices for Video Game Titles

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As someone who gets a lot of use out of MAME, occasionally I run across certain oddities. I’m a grown man, these shouldn’t be so amusing, but I guess my maturity level isn’t quite where it ought to be by 33. Oh well. Yes by the way, that says “booby kids”. It’s okay to snicker. This is a no judgement zone. Well, maybe a little bit of judgement.

I first saw this while searching a used game shop for Game Gear games I could afford with my allowance back in the day. I’m not sure who signed off on that name. I’m assuming it has a more innocuous meaning in Japanese. That probably explains most of these titles.

Another wood themed one, from the 1990s mascot wars. “Hey, how do we compete with Sonic and Mario? I know! A talking pencil! But he’s WILD! He’s sassy and tells it like it is! Also let’s put a big titty mermaid in the game. You know, for kids.”

They really did it, too. There’s a big titty mermaid in the game. Don’t ask me why. The decisions of videogame developers in the 1990s were mostly made by cocaine. “Ecco the Dolphin sold well. What about Ecco…with titties? We’ll put a topless mermaid in there. Damn I’m a genius, gonna call it a day.”

Nuts and Milk. I don’t know either. There was also a similar game titled “Milknuts”. I assume it’s some sort of Japanese snack or candy I don’t know about. The alternative is too terrible to contemplate. Then again, Atari is an American company…

So what the fuck does Milknuts mean in the US? I like getting my nuts milked as much as the next guy but it seems a bit risque for an arcade game title. Or do people literally put some almonds, peanuts and cashews in a bowl of milk and eat it like some demented bizarro world soup?

The real joke here is the Gizmondo. If you ever want to disappear down the Wikipedia rabbit hole for a few hours, go research how the Gizmondo came to be. It’s a bizarre tale of mafia racketeering, high end sports cars and con men. A few games actually came out for the stupid thing. This is one of ‘em.

Okay, stop it. Come on. Really? What else could this possibly mean? That finger is 100% for sure trying to give me bad touches in my swimsuit area. Don’t let Nintendo DS touch your penis, however tempting the prospect may be. Apparently a lot of people felt the same way, because the name was soon changed to Touch Dictionary.

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